Dealing with Grief

These past couple of weeks have been difficult for me, my family has experienced some loss.

The last Friday of September my Aunt called me, which was odd because we usually Facebook. She called to inform me that my other Auntie, her and my Mom’s younger sister, passed away a few short hours ago. I proceeded, not to process this information, but do my part in the family phone tree. My Momma was getting some much needed rest on her day off from work so was not answering her phone. I then phoned my brother and sister (from that side of the family, I have a very confusing and blended family tree that warrants explanation….another time).

Being a military wife, I left my family and followed my husband. So I am not there to share in the grieving process. All the way on the opposite coast, with 3 children, I can’t just pick up and be there. That is one of the most difficult parts. I feel isolated in my grief. My husband did not know her, my eldest does not remember her, and the phone gives so little comfort.

We all deal with grief differently. Some call on their friends, Jack, Johnny, and Jose, to help them through it. Some become emotional and sentimental, ensuring their family that is still on this Earth know their love for them before it’s too late, in the case of my Bro. Some are like my sister, overly motherly by nature, the curse of the eldest female child, but when tragedy strikes she goes into hyper drive. Ensuring everyone else is alright and putting her emotional needs on the back burner. Me? Well I stay in denial for awhile. I like to suggest it’s called focusing on living…..it’s denial. I surround myself with projects and chores, keeping pre-occupied enough NOT to think about it until there is nothing left to do and I am forced to face reality.

Then there’s my Momma. We should all take a page out of her big book of grieving. She takes a day or so, a good hard day, and grieves for herself. She grieves for the hole in her heart and life that not having her sister around brings. She grieves for all the time not spent, words not said, future not shared, and then she stops. She just….stops….and celebrates. She celebrates the life of my Auntie, her accomplishments, her children and her memory. She celebrates the belief that my Auntie’s soul is in Paradise. She finishes grieving her lose and celebrates that my Auntie has reunited with others that have passed on before her. Such is my Momma’s belief, and it is a good, kind, beautiful one.

loveauntie

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Life in a Box

We FINALLY have our house, are mostly unpacked, and have Internet, YEH!

It amazes me how your life can just “fit in a box” and what doesn’t fit gets thrown out. That’s one way to clear the clutter away.

Moving House

I feel awfully annoyed that there isn’t one set military house plan. That way no matter where you move, there won’t be any weird surprises. We went from a 2 car garage to a 1 car garage, so it’s either get rid of your stuff, or park outside. Plus we have this really weird large closet in the powder room, of all places! I mean, come on! Who the heck looked at the bathroom and said, “Hmmm, this would be an awesome place for a wall-to-wall closet.” Probably the same inventor of the double decker taco.

stuffed closet

 

However, I am loving the extra large kitchen, big enough for an island, the kitchen nook, and larger bedrooms. It seems odd that the yards aren’t fenced in, I haven’t experienced that until Fort Bragg, but it works well for my children’s social life. I am so relieved to be on an active military base again. It is truly like a mini city. Thanks to all being part of the same “club” if you will, it makes it simpler to find common ground. It seems as though the first 3 questions are, “Where are you guys from? What Unit is your husband with? How many kids/how old?” Technically that last question is 2, but it is more of a 2-parter. I am desperately trying to get my bearings, this place is enormous, lucky for me I have met some very intriguing, and truly nice people so far.

Military Move

army and marine

Being married to a military member can mean uprooting the family to follow their career path. Needs of the military and all. Being a former enlisted Marine, I was used to moving, but only moving myself. It has been almost 10 years since my enlistment ended, now 3 years into my marriage to an active duty Soldier, this is my first move with a van full of rambunctious kids.

I am deeply thankful to the inventor of the portable DVD player. As a child, my dad had a gigantic van with a t.v. inside, the kind of vans with the boomerang antenna on the top. The screen was super hard to see from the sofa backseat, so not very entertaining. My kids have been so quiet and cooperative, Mr. portable DVD inventor needs a medal.

Back to the military move process…

Contracted movers invade your house and box EVERYTHING!! When I say everything, I mean it. My neighbor left the knobs for the stove with her clean dishes…packed. I dismantled a smoke detector to change the battery…packed. All you need to do in preparation is separate anything not going with the movers, and clean. It is only inconvenient in the fact that, “I DON’T WANNA!” Yet here we are, car packed to a bursting point and 4 days in. We’ve visited family, did some site seeing and we’re part of the way there.

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One of the most annoying parts of this move is waiting for housing. Military installations have great housing. The downside is our quarters will not be available until July 1st. Ummm, we haven’t hit June yet! Options? Rent off Post (Yeah the Army calls them Posts, Marines call them Bases, go figure). I like on base…um…post living, so take the bad with the good I guess.

To help me through this I pack a bin, that’s right, a bin of yarn. Knitting has helped keep my mind occupied while my Soldier was in Afghanistan this past year, so yes a bin.  And being apart from him for so long, stressed, worried, knitting, I would move tens times over.