These past couple of weeks have been difficult for me, my family has experienced some loss.
The last Friday of September my Aunt called me, which was odd because we usually Facebook. She called to inform me that my other Auntie, her and my Mom’s younger sister, passed away a few short hours ago. I proceeded, not to process this information, but do my part in the family phone tree. My Momma was getting some much needed rest on her day off from work so was not answering her phone. I then phoned my brother and sister (from that side of the family, I have a very confusing and blended family tree that warrants explanation….another time).
Being a military wife, I left my family and followed my husband. So I am not there to share in the grieving process. All the way on the opposite coast, with 3 children, I can’t just pick up and be there. That is one of the most difficult parts. I feel isolated in my grief. My husband did not know her, my eldest does not remember her, and the phone gives so little comfort.
We all deal with grief differently. Some call on their friends, Jack, Johnny, and Jose, to help them through it. Some become emotional and sentimental, ensuring their family that is still on this Earth know their love for them before it’s too late, in the case of my Bro. Some are like my sister, overly motherly by nature, the curse of the eldest female child, but when tragedy strikes she goes into hyper drive. Ensuring everyone else is alright and putting her emotional needs on the back burner. Me? Well I stay in denial for awhile. I like to suggest it’s called focusing on living…..it’s denial. I surround myself with projects and chores, keeping pre-occupied enough NOT to think about it until there is nothing left to do and I am forced to face reality.
Then there’s my Momma. We should all take a page out of her big book of grieving. She takes a day or so, a good hard day, and grieves for herself. She grieves for the hole in her heart and life that not having her sister around brings. She grieves for all the time not spent, words not said, future not shared, and then she stops. She just….stops….and celebrates. She celebrates the life of my Auntie, her accomplishments, her children and her memory. She celebrates the belief that my Auntie’s soul is in Paradise. She finishes grieving her lose and celebrates that my Auntie has reunited with others that have passed on before her. Such is my Momma’s belief, and it is a good, kind, beautiful one.